A Companion Only Ever Wants to Talk About Herself: Should I End the Friendship?

I have been friends for more than 20 years, a person who's faced and conquered several obstacles, her resilience is commendable. Yet, she has been constantly blindsided by people. Her husband ended their marriage, which came as a massive blow. A lot of close acquaintances drifted away at that point, as they were focused solely on her husband. This surprised her deeply. She put in more effort toward our bond, probably realised more clearly the essence of true friendship.

Ongoing Issues In Relationships

Throughout this period, many in her circle have drifted apart without her being sure why. The company she worked for became hostile, despite the fact that she was highly competent, and she left without knowing why things shifted.

How Things Stand Now

In recent times, both of us retired leading to more frequent meetups, yet I realize the part I play in our friendship feels one-sided. I introduce subjects but she shifts the talk toward her own topics. Politically, she has firm beliefs. I try to propose double-checking information and alternate views.

She's been planning a trip abroad I know well many times even called home for some time. My intention was to share insights, but this was met with resistance. She really just desired validation of her decisions. I have returned from a month there she hopes to reconnect, but I don't.

Considering the Choices

I hesitate in this role that walks away abruptly, but I don't think she can understand the impact of her behaviour on my confidence. At this point, I am in pulling back. How should I proceed?

Potential Solutions

It's possible to walk away, however, that approach is seldom a smooth outcome we hope for. However, addressing it aiming for a solution demands strength and readiness from both people.

Professional advice indicates applying a practical approach to handling disagreements:

"The first step involves describing the usual pattern in your conversations. It should be based on facts and basically exactly what occurs. Next involves sharing the way it affects you emotionally. There should be no argument on this point. Emotions belong to you, naturally. The third step involves requesting ways you together can shift the pattern between you."

Remember she too has her own side, meaning you must to stay open to hear that. One effective method is to say your friend:

"It's your turn to speak and I promise to listen without interrupting for half an hour."

Final Thoughts

Your friend could ignore everything, as some people hold onto a “survival narrative”: they rely on a narrative of their life they cannot let go of as it feels essential depends upon it and it's all they trust. This poses a challenge as there is no clear path with these people, only cul-de-sacs. However, she might start out like this and then think your perspective. And even if a resolution isn't found a resolution, it will give you peace knowing you were honest with her.